By Rev. Michael W. Newman
As I prepared to write this article from my South Texas home, dozens of families were unexpectedly and heartbreakingly plunged into unspeakable sadness and pain after floods overwhelmed children and adults who camped along the Guadalupe River near Kerrville, Texas over the July 4th weekend. More than one hundred lives were lost. Hundreds of hearts were gripped by indescribable grief.
What words can address this awful manifestation of a sin-broken world? What help is at hand when you are put in the position of grappling with grief and loss? How can anyone survive this terrible result of our fallen world? How do you get through grief?
GOD’S LIFELINE
Notice I didn’t say, “How do you get OVER grief?” or “How do you GET RID OF grief?” No, when grief invades your life, it will always be a part of your story. But God’s grace will get you THROUGH it with His hope and help in heartbreak.
First, He provides His LIFELINE. When you lose someone precious in your life, the freefall of sadness and loss can seem impossible. Death exposes our helplessness and weakness. Our might, our money, our smarts, and our skills are no match for death. We need God’s help, and He does not fail us as He steps in with His lifeline of grace.
God’s Word promises:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 ESV). “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1a ESV).
When loss overwhelms you, God reaches out to you. The Good Shepherd pursues you with His life-giving and heart-sustaining love and care: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life” (Psalm 23:6 ESV).
Your grief is not a story of abandonment by God; it is the story of God’s persistent pursuit of your precious life. Even when you are speechless in your anguish, “The Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26b ESV). God’s got you covered in His grace. The lifeline of His love holds you fast—a lifeline earned at the cross, sealed through Jesus’ resurrection, delivered in your Baptism, and reinforced with His living Word.
God’s gracious and saving work is your lifeline when grief causes you to lose your grip.
GOD’S PATHWAY
But there is more. God provides a pathway through the fog of sorrow and sadness. After you are plunged into the pit of loss, the time comes when you wonder about the future. How do you keep living? What do you do next?
Instead of being stuck on slippery ground, God places you on His firm footing. The psalmist declared, “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand” (Psalm 40:1-2 NIV).
In your grief, God reveals His ways and teaches you His paths (Psalm 25:4). He blesses you with His gifts that sustain and carry you through the storm.
First, God gives you the gift of conversation. He speaks through His Word of restoration and strength, and you respond in prayer, casting your cares upon Him (1 Peter 5:7). This gift holds you close to God. It tames the voices of doubt and despair in your head. It lifts the burden of hopelessness from your shoulders, and carries you from day to day in God’s gracious power.
“I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me” (Psalm 50:15b ESV). Sometimes this conversation needs to fill the first year of your grief, moving through seasons, special days, and holidays, before you can think about taking any steps forward. Patiently, persistently, let God’s Word dwell in you richly (Colossians 3:16). Fervently, unceasingly, give your Savior the weight of your sadness through prayer.
“Call upon me in the day of trouble,” God pleads. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)
Second, God gives you the gift of forgiveness. Too often, guilt tries to imprison you after loss. You regret an argument or careless words. You feel like you could have been a better caregiver. The “woulda, coulda, shouldas” start to dominate your thoughts. But God delivers you from your guilt. Jesus carried it to the cross. He put your sins to death once and for all. Forgiveness erases your guilt, removes your sins, and gives you a new history. In Christ, you are a new creation! The old is gone and the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)! Release your load of guilt and cling to the promise of Christ’s forgiveness.
Third, God gives you the gift of love. God’s love sustains you on your journey through grief. You are His precious child. He will never let you go. You may not understand everything, and your life will not be problem free, but God’s love will carry you through. His love will even shape your heart to show love—not bitterness or hopelessness—as you travel on your grief journey.
Next is God’s gift of hope. Because of Jesus’ resurrection, you have certain hope in Jesus’ presence with you and His eternal life for you. Jesus died and rose for you. Because of Him, something very good awaits you. Everything will be okay because of Christ your Savior. You may not see that fully today, but there will come a day when tears and pain are gone forever (Revelation 21:4).
The fifth gift on God’s pathway is faith. Faith is not a measure of your personal strength or piety, and it is not a guarantee that bad things won’t happen. Faith is God’s shield, protecting you against Satan’s assaults and the despair-inducing power of sadness (Ephesians 6:16; 1 Peter 1:3-5). Sometimes you become angry with God when you lose someone you love. You ask, “Why did this have to happen?” God answers by drawing close, providing His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9), and not letting you go.
Sixth is the gift of community. God makes sure you’re not alone by knitting you into His community, the Church. The purpose of the church is not to make you busy or to turn you into a social butterfly. Church is where you receive the encouraging presence and prayers of fellow strugglers. Church is where your empty soul is fed with the Bread of Life. Church is where God uses you to bless others.
That leads to the seventh gift, purpose. Sometimes your most meaningful purpose is found in your pain. You empathize with others and bring credible care to people who are hurting just like you. Grief doesn’t rob you of your purpose, it refines it and directs you to people who need the gifts you share.
Finally, God gives you the gift of presence. Someone once said, “Don’t just say something; stand there.” In other words, being present is, at times, the best gift you can give to a person who is grieving. Being present shows you care. Just as God’s enduring presence brings you comfort and relief, your presence reflects the self-sacrificial and life-restoring presence of the Savior Jesus.
God’s gifts provide firm footing and a gracious pathway that sustain you, restore you, and allow you to bless others.
A NEW REFRAIN
So, how are you doing? What refrain do you have in your sadness? A refrain is an expression that happens over and over again. Sometimes grief pulls you into a refrain of anger or bitterness or hopelessness. But God gives you a new refrain. Consider what happens in Psalms 42 and 43. Psalm 42 begins with expressions of grief and fear and agony. But verse 5 (NIV) declares: “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
The psalm continues with mourning and feelings of abandonment, but in verse 11 (NIV), the refrain chimes in:
“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” It’s a refrain of grace and hope!
Psalm 43 continues with more feelings of grief and rejection. But then, it’s as if the previous psalm’s refrain spills over into this one: “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” God’s new refrain of hope and life prevails—and spills into your life.
Even in your most difficult times, you are blessed with the lasting refrain of hope and salvation. As you meet grief, God is faithful to get you through it!
Thoughts for this article have been drawn from Rev. Michael Newman’s books: “Hope When Your Heart Breaks: Navigating Grief and Loss” (CPH 2017), and “Getting Through Grief: Eight Biblical Gifts for Living with Loss” (CPH 2021).
The Rev. Michael W. Newman is the recently retired district president of the Texas district of the Lutheran Church – Missouri Synod (LCMS).